Happy day everyone!
I wanted to write today about counseling and how it’s helped Adam and I’s relationship over the past few months! Maybe some of you have wondered if it’s really worth doing? I wanted to do premarital counseling, but Adam had his opinions and didn’t feel we needed it. I understand everyone has their own thoughts and go through different things, but let me tell you, this has been very helpful for me! Everyone goes through something in their life that they may not know how to deal or cope with. Even if you don’t want to do therapy, talking things out makes a huge difference mostly for your state of mind! I believe that this can help you learn how to build a strong relationship with yourself and the ones you love.
Marriage is something in my family that doesn’t typically work the first go around. Of course, there is always obstacles that could affect someone’s marriage. I believe if you try and give it 100%, you could make it work if you really love that person. I didn’t marry Adam just because I wanted to, or because I want to settle down and start a family one day. Adam is my other half. He is my best friend and I enjoy spending my time with him! I married him so I could spend the rest of my life with him and will love him regardless of any challenges that may come our way. A quote from my favorite movie, Moulin Rouge I truly believe in is “Come What May!” meaning I will love you no matter what obstacles!
A few months ago, Adam and I had a huge obstacle that hit me out of the blue. I won’t go into specifics, but it hurt and I began to question what it was that made me happy. I had great support from family and a couple of close friends. After talking it over, Adam and I both agreed to go to marriage counseling. During our time with the counselor, we have learned what our love language is, how to communicate better and learning to date again!
For those who aren’t aware of the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, I suggest you read the book or you can take a quiz online here 5 love language quiz. There are 5 different love languages that make you happy in a relationship or can fill your “love tank” as Gary calls it. The languages are physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and words of affirmation. If your top 3 is close to your spouses top 3, then there is a way to help your relationship thrive! Everyone is different and you may not get the same results, but just knowing how to make your spouse happy is important to know! Luckily, both Adam and I’s top love language is quality time which I find amazing. We both love to spend time together no matter what!
Our communication has never been better! Adam has a hard time on how to express his feelings whether it’s with me or even when he’s upset or mad at someone. Of course I know he loves me and he does show me, but I feel since we have done counseling, it has brought us closer together in how we express it towards one another! I am working on my communication when it comes to certain things as well. Sometimes, I don’t assert myself if I need to be which can cause people to think it’s ok to talk or walk over me at times. We have both found out things about each other that we didn’t know just because we didn’t know how to put it into words or we assumed the other one knew. Communication is key to any relationship!
Adam and I have been together for almost 8 years now and it’s not hard to get into the habit of things. We have gotten so comfortable with each other to where we just stay at home and watch TV a lot of times. Our counselor suggested that we start dating again and to have a date night once a week. We switch off to where one week I will be in charge of the date and the other week it’s Adam’s turn. This has been fun because it’s outside of our comfort zone. Also, with our love language being quality time, this is something that fills our love tanks! There are so many date ideas out there (Pinterest 😉 ) to where it doesn’t have to be expensive either!
I am so happy we decided to take this big step into working on our relationship and to become happier versions of ourselves! I can not wait to live my life with Adam and eventually have little babies running around when the time comes! I do feel I want to enjoy the married life a little longer before having children just so we can strengthen what we have in order to have a happy family!
No matter what troubles you may be going through you have someone who is there for you! I do suggest that you talk to someone whether it be a friend, loved one or a counselor. You can always find a way to work through problems with a little guidance. I am known for giving advise to people without listening to my own so please just try!